Bringing to clean water is a fascinating task, but entering this game, decide what you will do with the information received.
It happens to you: does the partner turn the phone over when it receives a message? Or leaves the gadget face down, be sure to close all the tabs? Of course, maybe it's just a habit, or perhaps a very conscious action. Whether or not to ignore it is up to you. I suggest initiating a conversation about trust. Not a natural conversation. Ready for it?
Trust should definitely have reasonable boundaries. No matter how much we like talking in a compartment, where to trust a random fellow traveler - a couple of trifles, nevertheless mentally healthy people will not reveal all their secrets to the first comer. We often talk with strangers in the context of a specific situation and intuitively strain when they want to "know" us too quickly. Yes, rapprochement requires an individual pace, unhurriedness, and respect for personal space. It is in approaching a person that we begin to feel confident, which, in my opinion, is based on a sense of security.
In turn, security is based on the principles of agreements that can exist both a priori and discussed in each case. It always surprises me when people, for example, after several years of marriage declare: they did not promise their second half of fidelity. This partner so "pervertedly" regarded all the accompanying conventions of the stamp in the passport.
But unless otherwise specified, people's relationships have long been laden with options, so to speak, by default, working a priori: fidelity, decency, honesty, and, as a result, trust. We are calm and safe when predictable when there are rules that act the same in both directions. It is from this point that it is vital to building relationships.
One partner often accuses another of mistrust, proving that if he is not able to trust, then the other will not be able to respond in response, and in general, you just need to believe first. However, the debate about whether trust or honesty is primary in a relationship is as insoluble as the chicken and egg debate. Since trust depends on both sides - both on the ability to trust and on the ability to be sincere and decent.
Undoubtedly, our previous experience with parents and other partners influences a lot. It is difficult to wait for unconditional trust from a woman whose marriage broke up due to treason. It is difficult to believe in the sincerity of the one whose parents lied to him all his childhood, and then it was revealed and remained with him for life. Next to the experiment, our prejudices lie in even rows, which, with meaningless voices in their heads, give us false information containing more generalizations and prejudices than truth and common sense. There is a whole set: about the beautiful and the infidels, about the rich and the walkers, that "all men are their own ...", and "all women ...", about everything that the yellow press is happy to discuss and what grandmothers are having fun at their door with at their entrance.
Nevertheless, there is a credit of trust, and it definitely makes sense. Yes, it's stupid to always look for internal means to give a person another chance, but we treat this rake with a special love. Moreover, in the business world, most often, you will not have a second chance. In contrast, my personal life, in my experience, has all 48 opportunities, if I was not mistaken in the calculations. Although this is more like stupidity than trust.
The paradox is that those who unconditionally give and give the next chance, and those who get burned, not wanting to trust anyone else, can be equally lonely.
The level of self-esteem of a person also affects the level of trust in a relationship. And here, it is important to not overestimate yourself and not consider yourself unworthy of a decent and respectful attitude. Again - hello to dad and mom, who worked on this all our childhood, making it clear what we can count on when we grow up: "who will need you?", "No girl will look at you!"
You will decide to trust or verify yourself, but nevertheless, aligning your positions would be worthwhile. And sometimes the easiest way is to ask directly. I assure you that putting on clean water is an exciting activity, but it does not contribute to building confidence. Moreover, entering this game, you must decide what you will do with the information received. Can you leave? Or will you live as before, but now with this terrible knowledge, destroying your psyche and life?
Set your own priorities.
