Should I give more?
Is absolute equality possible in a relationship? Equal segregation of duties?
Unfortunately, no.
Someone gives more, some of the partners accept with pleasure. But why does this injustice arise, and is there anything you can do about it?
What does it mean to give?
In any relationship, whether it is a relationship with parents, friends, lovers, you give yourself. You share your psychic and emotional energies. You put labor and effort into making the relationship take the form you need.
For example, you want your partner to go to the lake this weekend with you. But he stubbornly wants to stay home. In this case, you give away your mental energy and spend it on the situation, without guarantees you will receive in return.
You spend emotional energy when you empathize with someone when you share someone's defeats and sorrows. But if your partner does the same for you - you build a balance. You are trying to maintain a balance in a relationship. But if you do not "give," then the balance will be upset. In any communication, in any relation, you have something to do with a partner.
It could be:
- Care;
- Love;
- Anxiety;
- Uncertainty;
- Experiences;
- Sadness.
It may seem to you that opposite emotions are listed. And it is true. You can give both good and bad.
Do you sacrifice yourself in a relationship?
But, how to understand, do you sacrifice yourself in a relationship if giving is good? Ask yourself some simple questions:
- Do you limit yourself to something in these respects?
- Do you experience discomfort when interacting with this person?
- Do you often change your plans for the sake of partner plans?
- Do you have to spend money on the needs of a partner continually?
- Do you have to be silent or say what your partner wants to hear?
- Was your circle of communication limited?
If you answered "no" to all the questions, you are not sacrificing anything. You just rub yourself in, trying to build partnerships. But, if you answered yes to at least a few questions, then you sacrifice. And you sacrifice yourself.
Is it worth it to sacrifice?
But is it worth it? If you limit yourself in communicating with friends, close people, going to the cinema, and the theater for the sake of your partner's peace - stop doing it. You give your partner your most precious resource - the time that the partner spends at his discretion. If you spend money on a partner's needs, at the same time, he does not seek to satisfy your desires - stop doing this. Spend money on what you have long dreamed about. Both grow in partnerships - remember this.
So, you just need to show your partner an example of how to act in a particular situation. And he, being interested in a relationship, will begin to grow after you. But, if you are more silent about your desires, do not tell your partner about your dreams - stop doing this. Get back to you. Ask yourself what you want.
How to help yourself
If you are sure that you donate more in a relationship but want to change the situation while maintaining communication, try simple psychological techniques:
- Speak about your dreams, plans for their implementation;
- Ask your partner to help you with specific tasks;
- Refuse to spend money on the partner's wishes, but promise to help financially, if necessary;
- Discuss plans for the weekend, for a joint vacation, build them together.
It would seem nothing complicated. But many partners begin to move away when you start to ask for more attention to yourself and the satisfaction of your needs. Why does it happen? It's not convenient for them. It is suitable for them to create healthy relationships only for themselves—such a selfish scenario.
But what to do in this situation?
If you are dear to your partner, he will be happy to come to a standard solution in contentious issues. Often, just close communication was not enough for this. But a partner can move away and say that you want too much. Then sacrifice further for himself is not worth it. It will not make you happy.
Speak up!
